Passing on the faith
Passing on the faith
Research sheds light on how parents can help their children grow up in their faith.
Many religious parents wonder how they can pass on their faith to their children. Most probably don’t just wonder; they worry, at least occasionally. And that makes sense. If you believe that the purpose of life has been revealed, you want to pass that on to those you love the most and you fear that those beliefs might not stick. So the research findings of sociologist Christian Smith are equal parts encouraging and terrifying for parents like us.
As Smith points out, there are many possible influences on children’s religious formation: “youth groups, faith-based schools, missions and service trips, summer camps, Sunday school, youth ministers,” and so on. But Smith goes on to say:
What makes every other influence pale into virtual insignificance is the importance (or not) of the religious beliefs and practices of American parents in their ordinary lives—not only on holy days but every day, throughout weeks and years.
This is the encouraging-and-terrifying bit because, Smith says, “nearly all human responsibility for the religious trajectories of children’s lives falls on their parents’ shoulders.” It’s worth, though, bringing Smith’s caveat to the fore; parents have “a major influence” and can make a difference, but “children are finally the agents of their own development.” Smith’s emphasis on “human” responsibility is surely significant too, for those of us who believe in the life-changing reality of spiritual, and not merely human, power. So, with caveats in place, let’s turn to Smith’s central concern, which is how religious parents can make it more likely that their children will follow in their faith.
First, he says, parents should just “be themselves: believe and practice their own religion genuinely and faithfully.” If they model something that is genuinely attractive and inspiring, children are more likely to be attracted to and inspired by that set of beliefs.
Second, parents should be “authoritative” rather than “authoritarian”, “permissive”, or “passive”. Authoritative parenting combines “clear and demanding expectations” with “an abundance of warmth, support, and expressive care.”
Third, parents should “talk to their children about religious things” as a normal part of family life during the week.” In other words, faith should be an everyday topic, not compartmentalised, and parents should be comfortable with “serious engagement” around these topics, including allowing children to express doubts.
Fourth, parents should arrange for their children to participate in supporting contexts and practices that will aid their efforts to pass on their faith and, most importantly, that will bring them into contact with “non-family adults” who can have meaningful conversations with them. “The more such adults are present, the more a church, temple, synagogue, or mosque feels like a community or an extended family, which is itself a strong bonding force,” says Smith.
Presumably Smith’s recommendations are at least broadly applicable to non-religious practices and beliefs too, and for non-religious parents who want to pass on their values to their children. For example, parents who want to encourage their children to read might read themselves, encourage their children to do likewise, normalise reading by making books part of everyday life, and take their children on trips to the library.
Again, Smith points out that “nothing about this process is guaranteed.” For example, all of us live within and are shaped by the stream of broader cultural currents which may help or hinder our efforts to pass on our beliefs to our children. So as well as doing what we can, we should take Smith’s final piece of advice for parents: to “pray and hope that the divine forces in which they believe will lead their children into lives of truth, goodness, and beauty.”